It's been said: without darkness, light would have no meaning. I suppose this is true. We appreciate the light more especially right after the dark has gone. It sometimes seems as though it will never be light again, that the more we want it (darkness) to go, the longer it seems to linger. It penetrates our very being, our soul, until it feels as if it has become a part of us, or we have become of part of IT. We embrace the darkness even when we wish it would leave, taking some kind of strange comfort in it, the feeling of dark despair is somehow a companion now. We need it. Wondering how we ever survived without it, knowing it's wrong and not caring any longer. This is the danger of the darkness, how it somehow convinces your mind that it is in fact the light, the truth. We know this is wrong, but are unable to resist. As we creep deeper into ourselves, it slowly becomes our only truth, a refuge, a tomb. In reality, it's the deepest kind of pain, it's a perverted way of enduring this pain, pain that doesn't feel as if it will ever subside, we hide in the darkness to try to make it go away, it feeds on pain and pain is all it returns, as this happens the pain begins to feel like our friend, and maybe it is in some way, without it how do we appreciate the joy. There is a fine line, however, pain is not truly friendly, but it is just as necessary as the darkness. As I write this, in pain, deep emotional pain for my loss, I wonder when it will pass, does it ever? I fight the temptation of the darkness, while I know I need it, I fear to be consumed by it in my need to be rid of it. I know it will pass, but in the meantime it feels so permanent, coming at me from unknown directions and unpredictable moments. It's a helpless feeling to never know. Also from the darkness guilt seems to thrive, it plants tiny seeds in your brain and the dark seems to nourish them, should I have done this? Maybe I shouldn't have done that. I did all I could, or maybe I didn't do anything at all that I should have, it seems so pointless, but at the same time necessary.
The darkness is ours to use, but as with fire, extreme caution is essential, the light is not ours, but we are to enjoy it, allow it to bring us from the darkness without abusing it either.
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