Impatient and tired after a hectic day at work, I got off the train and headed home. The pushing shoving crowd at the train station had built my frustration to an intolerable level, forcing my mind and body to yearn for some sort of tranquillity. I opened the door to my home and with a sigh of relief, kicked off my high-heeled boots and headed to the kitchen. I grabbed an apple from the fridge, devoured it hungrily and looked around for something else quick to eat. Still agitated from my trip, I decided to administer my own psychotherapy.
I poured a glass of white wine and stretched out on the sofa. After a sip or two, I felt calmer and decided to listen to some music. I wanted to hear something old and soothing so I selected David Sanborn's CD, " Hideaway." I headed back to the couch, closed my eyes and entered my utopia. The music was soothing; the intricate sounds had a calming effect on me. My mind wandered to St.kitts and I thought of my childhood, cool breezy evenings, colorful sunsets, the beach, waves gently caressing the sand, and lovers basking in the pure delight of each other's company. (I'm a romantic) The beat of the music quickened and I thought of children playing, jumping rope, laughing, screaming with delight, if only they could remain innocent and carefree I thought. The music mellowed and I reached another plateau of tranquillity... My mind and body were totally relaxed, moving me to become acutely aware of the individual sounds of the instruments combining to create the beautiful melody. As the drumbeat quickened and got louder, I found myself thinking, if only I could surround myself with such dynamic, pulsating, positive forces, my life would be just that rhythmical.
I was really enjoying the mental trip when the phone rang. I picked up on the third ring and pleasantly said "hello." My best friend Karen was on the phone, I continued, "What's up girl?" After a pause she chuckled and asked, "Have you been drinking Fran?" Laughingly I responded, "I'm relaxed girl, what's up with you?" We made some small talk after which she hung up, perhaps sensing that I wanted to relax. I was just settling back into the spot my body had made on the couch, when the phone ran again. I looked at the caller ID and I knew who it was. Tailoring my voice for the caller, I said smoothly, rhythmically, "Helloooo" After a surprised pause, he said authoritatively, " I'm coming over!"
I was not really in the mood for company and debated calling him back to say just that. He must have interpreted my mellow tone as an invitation. His hurried puzzling response told me he was thinking he'd better get over there quickly before I changed my mind. (lol) Reluctantly, I prepared to see him. I had not seen him in two weeks and I knew he was beginning to get angry and frustrated with me. Men don't seem to understand that sometimes women just don't want to be bothered. Heck, sometimes we are just comfortable with cuddling, chummy silence, watching a movie together, or just touching toes from opposite sides of the couch. (Smile) I had also come to realize that some men are needy and require that constant life force from their women. Anyway, so I trudged up stairs, peeled off my clothes and decided to take a shower. I knew it would take him about an hour to get to my house so I figured I had time to make my shower a leisurely one. I have always loved hot steamy showers followed with cool rinses and that night was no exception. Because I was somewhat relaxed, my shower became a ritual as I paid homage to my body. Slowly, I washed away the day's toil, staring at the soiled water going down the drain. As the drain guzzled and swirled the soiled water cascading from my body, I felt a sense of cleansing relief. Slowly I added soap to the wash cloth covering every inch of my body. The wash cloth seemed to have a mind of its own as it traveled the familiar routes. The mango peach bodywash smelled almost edible. I just stood there and let the water travel my body and having its way with me. Every chocolate skinned inch of me. Weaving in and out of crevices, circling and swirling around private places without violating. After my reverie, (lol) I toweled my body semidry, oiled and lotioned it while it was still damp. Draping my robe around me, I walked into the bedroom forgetting to remove my shower cap. I was heading back to the bathroom to remove the shower cap and clean the fogged mirror when the doorbell rang. Dam! I thought, did he jet over here? I was slightly annoyed and thought of how disruptive he had been the whole evening. I trudged downstairs pouting slightly. I opened the door and asked sullenly "What? '' He walked past me into my living room, hands in his pocket, not saying hello. He could sense I was a bit annoyed as I turned around to face him, my robe slightly opened, shower cap on, skin glistening. In the seconds that elapsed, I looked at him, really looked at him. Although he was looking back at me, legs astride, manly stance, hands in the pockets, he looked like a lost boy. He continued to stare at me, his eyes traveling up and down my body then back to my eyes. (A silent appeal). He swallowed and continued staring. I felt like a sparring partner trapped in a very strange emotional duel... I knew I had to play it carefully and say the right thing. I saw that his need for me was slightly overshadowed by his male pride, so I said softly, almost inaudibly, "Hi baby how are you?" His reaction was to grab me, pull me into him, bending me backwards slightly. He held me so tightly I thought I'd suffocate. His strong muscular arms felt like steel bars and I felt myself disappearing into him. As he enveloped me, along the way I sensed he was frustrated, he had experienced a hard day, he needed me, he missed me, and he did not want to talk. I was his life force. Along the way, I realized I also needed that enveloping, manly "everything's going be okay hug" I needed to share myself with him give him some sustenance. Later that evening, I untangled myself from his grasp and watched him sleep. He looked so relaxed. Like a cat, I yawned, stretched, purred and hurried downstairs to get something else to eat.
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