Motivational Fear

By Ria Steele

I have to smile, for in all of my innate wisdom, I still have not figured out why, when I get in the shower, thoughts run rampant in my head. But, all in all, I do not try and guess as to why but accept, that I should come here once again and write.

Fear is an emotion, we all have endured. Some of us more, some less. A great man once said, "The only thing to fear, is fear itself". I deem that to be true in my own life. But, I also know that fear is a motivational factor for many of us. I have lived throughout my life, with all types of fear. Fear of living, and terrified to die. Fear of losing, yet terri-fied to win. Fear of being alone, yet horrified to be with someone. Fear of being not enough, or being too much. Fear of losing my mind, but more fearful of my mind. Fear of leaving, yet terrified to stay. Fear of who I am, and more fearful of who I may not be. It is a driving force of life. I think about the film about D Day, that Tom Hanks and Spiel-burg produced. What drove those young men to battle, and drove them to continue the battle in the most horrific of circumstances was fear. Every moment they were there from Normandy, into Germany, they had to have lived day and night, in fear. Fear of dy-ing, fear of suffering, fear of losing, fear of pain, torture, and all else that must go through a person's mind, when in a battle such as D Day.

Like those men, many of us face our fears, some we get over, some prevail with us throughout life. Some fear people, others fear solitude. Some fear closed spaces, while others fear heights. Some fear serpents, while others fear spiders. Some of those we are "born" with, others we adapt to through what happens to us in life. I have been for-tunate enough to have been in situations, where I had no choice but to face the fear that had been bestowed upon me in any given moment. Even choices being fearful, yet knowing I had to make them. I feared dying of a heart attack at 15, then had a massive one at 40, but I lived on. I sat alone for years, even when I was supposed to "have" someone in my life, I was alone. I have "lost" everything, only to gain even more now. I have endured the revelations of almost going insane only to regain sanity. I have walked out, to never return, into the unknown ahead, without a blink of an eye. I have been blessed to understand who I am, and who I never will be and accept myself for both. I have done my "homework", on my own fears. What I feared in the past, is gone, yet now I live with other fears that have surfaced. Each of which, give me wisdom, to understand, what I can change about myself, and what I must learn to live with. I fear choices and decisions now, when I never felt that way before. I have always loved peo-ple as a whole, yet I tend to shy away from being "in the crowd". A piece of me contin-ues to fear being alone, because I am afraid I could just sink into the black ink darkness of my mind, to never return. I still fear driving, always will. After the accidents several years ago, I will always live with a fear factor of lots of traffic. I have come to accept that as not a weakness, but just who I am. Then there is the fear of aging, all of us probably face at sometime in our lives. Yet, inside I have a choice, to know I shall grow older, and deal with it, or know what the flip side of not growing older is.

We are driven by so many feelings and emotions...fear, love, compassion, eroticism, pain, despair, joy, happiness...all feelings that make us who we are on the inside...and those feelings and emotions tend to rule us on the outside...whether motivation be from fear, for someone or not, is up to who they are. I know for myself, it has a motivational factor, ever “omni-present” in my life.

Rhia

copyright 2007, Ria Steele

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